I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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