last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize