He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
