My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
