So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
