if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
