Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
