Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
