he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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