Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i need to put some appletini on your dick
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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