I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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