When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
