they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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