I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
