his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
