I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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