I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
