are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Randomize