Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
