I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
even my farts smell like vagina
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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