i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
