this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
