party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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