I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
