it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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