we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize