The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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