I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
