how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
