I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
