Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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