never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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