I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
