I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
