so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
