You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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