Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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