if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
