I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
