i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
