Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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