I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
