If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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