Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
if only i could text you this smell
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
