I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
