Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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