hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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