why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
