I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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