She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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