omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
