I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
