life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
