I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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