Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
