well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
