How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
