I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
