Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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