Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
