I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
