she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
