Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
