Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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