Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
